Happy New Year

OK people (person?), sorry about the lack of posts for the last couple of weeks - holidays you know. Besides, I figured that the few of you who are reading this had plenty to read for a while, catching up with the old Christmas Letters. Speaking of Christmas cards (what an amusingly average segue!), until this weekend when we did our Christmas decorations purge, we had approximately 7,000 photo Christmas cards decorating our living room. I'm quite certain that every single family we know sent us a picture card this year - or at the very least a card with a photo inside. Now, don't misunderstand me, I am not complaining. In fact, I love receiving those cards, and as many of you know, we send them out ourselves. But, two things always came to mind as I read the cards this year: first, I have no idea who these people are (more on that later) and second, that all of our friends are obviously hiring blond-haired, blue-eyed, J-Crew kid models for their family photos. As to the first point, I have a running battle (well, "battle" is a tad strong, let's go with "debate" or "discussion", after all, we're not exactly talking about missle reduction treaties here, are we? Actually, for all you know, we might be. Since I haven't written and, hence you haven't yet read, the rest of this blog, you have no idea what we're talking about here, do you? Feeling pretty uniformed, I'll bet. Maybe, just maybe mind you, I am smart enough to spin a seemingly innocuous topic like Christmas card letters into a discussion of anti-nuclear weapon proliferation treaties. Wouldn't you be impressed then? Well, it turns out I'm not that smart. Or maybe I am that smart but I can't imagine getting into a discussion about - never mind blogging about - nuclear arms treaties.... No, I was right the first time, I'm just not that smart. Anyhoo...let's go with "discussion") with my wife about whether we (she and I) should appear in our Christmas card photo, or should it just be the kids. Well, anyone who knows me, knows that not for a second would I entertain the notion of not appearing in our Christmas card (Wow, that was a tremendous amount of double-negatives there. In fact, it is not unlikely that we may or may not have set some sort of unofficial record. Yay us!) Well, more to the point, my ego would not allow it. And, if you've never met my ego, well, you don't want to get on his bad side. After all, this is the same ego that is dying to tell you that I won my fantasy football league for the second year in a row, but I am not going to mention that here for fear of the uber-geek social consequences of being a blogger and a fantasy football player. In fact, I'm probably one or two small steps away from uber-geekdom as it is, so if you see me attempting to play Second Life please beat me sensless. (By the way, Second Life is the Aughts equivalent of Dungeons and Dragons. Have you heard about this? Basically, you go online and create - or join - a virtual world, your second life. And you "live" in this world to the point where you buy property, start virtual families, and have a virtual carrer. I read a news report a while ago where a "person" became the first virtual millionaire. I think I just virtually threw up. Raise your hand if you have enough trouble maintaining your hold on one life without needing a virtual one. If I had virtual kids whining at me as well as my actual kids, I may go virtually postal). OK, I'm so far gone now I have no idea what I was talking about. Oh yeah, the Christmas photo. So, I used to think it was just my outsized ego that kept me in the Christmas card every year, but I now realize that there is a second, more important reason: I have a house full of cards with adorable kids on the cover and I have no idea who they are. Seriously, every Christams card in our house contain adorable, blue-eyed, blond-haired, compleltely anonymous kids. Now, whether or not there are any ugly kids is an existential discussion on the innocence of youth and inner beauty that I am not prepared to engage in at this time (but, yes, there are ugly kids - where do you think ugly adults come from?). But suffice it to say, it seems that every family we receive a card from has stunningly beautiful kids. I am convinced they are J-Crew kid models that are available for downloading on some website to facilitate Christmas card writing. Step one, download happy looking blue-eyed blond kids sitting on a beach. Step two, complete the greeting with one of the following "Happy Holidays from (choices: Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard, Cape Cod, Block Island, Montauk, the Hamptons, Hilton Head, Florida, the Carribean or the French Riviera) and best wishes in the New Year!" And even if I vaguely recognize the one of the kids, the likelihood that I can put a first or last name on them is about the same as an intelligent discussion on anti-nuclear proliferation treaties on this blog. And, until this year, I felt alone in this view. But lately, there has been a groundswell of support for my position such that I think the tables are about to turn. So, I keep hope alive that this time next year minus three weeks I can open a card and remark, "oh, theres Gunther and Midge and there adorable kids, Grosean, Flower and Pancake.