Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Just Wondering...

...if you and one other person order Chinese food (delivery) and they deliver the food and include four sets of chopsticks, you've ordered too much food, right?

...why there are no bouncy seats for adults - they look ridiculously comfortable, and all babies seem to love them - I know I would put a giant one in my living room and never leave the house.

...if you are disgruntled when you are upset, are you gruntled when you are happy?

...and while I'm on the subject, if something is disjointed when it is incoherent, is it jointed when it makes sense?

...why news people always say court of law when they are referring to the location of legal proceedings. Do we really need the 'of law' part? Are there other types of courts where people bring legal proceedings?

...why some adults insist on responding to a question on age, "I'm 35, but I'll be 36 next March." Really? You're 35, but you won't be 47 next year?? If you are speaking to anyone over the age of 3, I think we can drop the whole "I'm gonna be..." tag line and leave it up to the listener to do the heavy math there Einstein.

...whether I should be insulted that chambermaids fold the end of my toilet paper into a downward-facing arrow? I mean sure, we've all experienced the frustration of being unable to locate the end of the roll, so we end up spinning the roll at 40 times the speed of light hoping to dislodge the offending end piece. And yet, the whole folded arrow is a bit 'cut-off-the-crust-of-your-sandwich' kind of patronizing, no?

...how one can be 'more than happy' to do something for me? If you are more than happy to say, refill my water glass, what is your approximate level of happiness? Elated? Euphoric? Orgasmic? And why does that give you so much pleasure? I feel like I'm missing out on a really fun experience.

...how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Cause I can chuck wood and I do it quite rarely. Its not as fun as it might seem, but then again, I'm not a woodchuck. Maybe they sit quietly in a forest and stare wistfully as a lumberjack chucks piece after piece of wood. And maybe they have a single tear coming down their cheeks like the 'don't pollute' native american.

...whether native american should be capitalized?

...whether, if you capitalize a word or a city, why do you capitolize a building?

...why you raze a building you want to destroy and raise a building you want to erect?

...why 'erect' still makes me giggle? I am almost 40 for God's sake.

...why every actor does Shakespeare with a British accent, even the plays that took place outside of Britain? I'm quite sure Caesar (Roman), Hamlet (Dutch), Othello (North African), Lear (Greek) did not speak the Queen's English, so why not give a performance in an accent of their character's country?

...whether polar bears have given names to areas of land in their neighborhood or paths they regularly follow, such that they realize their world is melting into the ocean? Polar Bear #1: "Hey, how about the fishing this year down on Polar Bear Way?" (well, no one said they were going to be real original - they are polar bears after all) Polar Bear #2: Oh, you didn't hear? Polar Bear Way just fell into the ocean!" Polar Bear #1: "You are shitting me! Man, (or 'Bear') this whole freaking neighborhood is going downhill." Polar Bear #2: "You're not kidding - just last week Big Polar Bear Path just broke off and floated away."

...whether anyone else thinks about this stuff?

...or is it just me?

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